Random train of thoughts.

Random train of thoughts. Why do such thoughts only occur when you are half asleep? All you need is a minute of tranquility and you can fall into a deep slumber, but your mind is in deep turbulence, filled with random thoughts, thoughts that do not make sense. Some obscure childhood memory buried deep inside a part of your brain, so deep that you were not even aware that it existed anymore, suddenly resurfaces like it was only yesterday. You toss and turn in your bed pleading your thoughts to die down so that you can get that rest that you desperately wanted. What is a train of thought though? Trains have directions, these thoughts don’t. They wander like a lost soul, without any purpose. Jumping from one scenario to another totally unrelated scenario, like a movie with a convoluted, complicated plot but an excellent screenplay. You might know some actors, some you may not even recognize. Freud doesn’t help, you try to trick your mind to fall asleep but mind you, your mind is a powerful tool. It makes you who you are. Its akin to fighting with yourself, an enemy that knows you, knows your strengths and your weaknesses. The childhood memories jump to some violent news you saw on the tele and it turns into a nightmare. A nightmare you are trapped in. You are not asleep but you cannot awake. The nightmare has you, you cannot move. You cannot shout, you try very hard to get out of it. It takes all your mental strength, tearing the cacoon you are trapped in, you finally manage to move your hand with a great effort and you wake up with a shudder, drenched in your own sweat. You look at the watch, what seemed like hours of struggle was just 30 minutes on that slow watch. You go to the loo, drain that cold bottle from the refrigerator and you hit the bed again. You are still shaking from the nightmare you just had. You do not want it to return. 

You slowly doze off, this time in a quiet and peaceful sleep.